It's Not You; It's Me

Stay with me. This is part end-of-the-year musing and part important announcement.

This has been quite a year for me.

• On the frivolous side, I took trips to Texas, Washington, D.C., New York, Georgia, China, Taiwan, North Carolina, Los Angeles, San Diego, and Logan, UT (more on that in a minute).
• I attended the following plays, ranging from Broadway to very local: Memphis, Newsies, Porgy and Bess, a Mandy Patinkin concert (not a play, but I'm counting it because Mandy Patinkin. He said, "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die!" at the end of the show), In the Heights, the 39 Steps, the Secret Garden, Arsenic and Old Lace, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, Little Shop of Horrors, and Spitfire Grill. 
• I attended nine college football games, including every BYU home game, two Utah State games (we'll get there in a minute) and my first ever college bowl game. It's a good thing I like football because those games represent many hours of driving and sitting that I will never get back.
• I bought a camera, took an introductory photography class, and by my count, have taken over 2,000 pictures since May. There are only about three of them that I am actually proud of.

On the professional side, I've had some things published that I'm pretty proud of; I've started a research project that I am very excited about; and, oh yeah

I am leaving BYU.

I haven't talked too much about it on this blog, out of respect to my employer/alma mater, and as an act of self-preservation, but I've been consumed by looking for a job for the better part of this last year, ever since BYU decided not to hire me for the position they had open last year. Another position is currently open at BYU (because, again, they didn't hire me), for which I would have interviewed if I hadn't found another job.

However, week before Christmas, I was offered a job at Utah State University, which means I will be leaving BYU in August, which is something I wouldn't have thought I would be saying at the beginning of this year. However, I am very excited for my new job, which has accounted for the numerous trips to Logan to check out the mid-singles ward and the football team (and, no, for you football fans, I didn't know Gary Andersen would be leaving when I accepted the job, but I am still optimistic about the Aggies next season. And, of course, I am always foolishly optimistic about the Cougars. That will never change).

And while I will always be a BYU fan at heart, and I have had many important relationships at BYU that will continue (after all, I'll only be moving 2 hours away), leaving the institution feels a little like a breakup. It's the right thing for me at this point in my life, but I can't say it doesn't still hurt a little.

It's not working. I'm going in a different direction. I'd like to see other people. It's not you; it's me. We are never, ever, ever getting back together.

Most likely.

Happy 2013 everyone! I have a feeling it's going to be a good one.

Manic Pixie Dream Guys

So, why, when there are so many things going on in my life today: job stuff, finals, family things, etc., did I decide that a) I needed to write something here, and b) it needed to be this link?

Because, for years, I have believed that this was a problem. The Manic Pixie Dream Guy is exactly what I am looking for in a man, and he doesn't actually exist. Now I have someone else backing me up.

A little bit of everything

It's been a long time since I've blogged anything that wasn't a Friday Night Lights quote.

I don't have any really good reasons for that. I've been really busy with work and other things. Rather than complain about not having time to blog anymore, I thought I'd just dump some pictures to serve as a visual explanation of all that I've been up to since I got home from China.

Below is a shot of Mike Leach from BYU's season opener against Washington State (he's the lone man in black standing on the sideline). This picture was taken from the other side of the stadium with my telephoto zoom lens. Snapping pictures of Mike Leach at a football game is pretty much exactly what I envisioned when I bought the lens.

Also, I am fairly sure this is the closest I will get to seeing my two alma maters play one another for some time. 

Below is a shot of me at AAMFT in North Carolina with two of my students. We are posing in front of our research poster.

I got to spend the weekend hanging out with Stephanie. Below is a shot of us from the Wamplers' retirement party, where we resolved to finally get a picture of us together (notice we don't have any from New York).

Coincidentally, this weekend was the weekend of the BYU/Utah game, and the only thing I have to document that is this weird reflection of what looks like a blue Y in one of the buildings in downtown North Carolina. A large group of faculty, students, alumni, and incredibly supportive friends took over the top floor of a bar that night to watch what turned out to be a heartbreaker of a game. But the lesson I learned was that, of the vast number of Mormon male MFTs I know, the one with the most knowledge about college football is Paul Springer. I don't think I would have guessed that going into the night. 

The next weekend, a good friend from my mission (in New York) had a big birthday. I hadn't seen him or his wife in about 8 years, and I had no idea they were living in Utah, so I happily went. I ran into Andrea Sundberg Fesler, who was my companion in the MTC, and then again in my third area. It turns out she lives in Lehi and is about to have her third child.

Then, a week later, I made a trek up to Logan to watch Utah State play UNLV. It made for a long weekend of football, as I had watched BYU wallop Hawaii the night before. It turns out a lot of my time this semester has been consumed by attending college football games. No complaints from me, but it does make for some long days which almost never involve cleaning my apartment or doing laundry at the end. You can't see it in this picture, but Utah State has this weird tradition of tossing students up in the air every time their team scores a touchdown. It was awesome and frightening.

I have before expressed my feelings about BYU's homecoming parade, but this was the first year I had the opportunity to be a part of it. I am a faculty advisor for our department's undergraduate student association, and it is the most fun thing I get to do as part of my job. This was our truck/float, which was definitely not as cool as the one belonging to the Orem Institute of Religion (below).

You probably can't tell from the picture, but the people pictured on the float are Mother Teresa, President Hinckley, Joseph Smith, and Elizabeth Smart. Also, they were blasting music by David Archuleta.

I also saw Ryan that weekend, which he talks about more on his blog, as well as the outcome of the football game that followed.






 That same weekend, my friend Megan had a bonfire in her backyard, where we sat around and talked over the great mysteries of life, including, but definitely not limited to why none of us are married.

Finally, my mom's side of the family had a Halloween party, which was almost as odd as the first year my dad's side of the family had one. Below is a shot of Mack as sushi (nigiri).

There have been other things: plays (Spitfire Grill, Little Shop of Horrors, In the Heights, and Arsenic and Old Lace for those of you keeping track), visits from the Okas, parties, more football, (if you can believe it) and an embarrassing amount of work. It's hard to believe it's almost November. No wonder I'm so tired. I'm crawling back into my cave to grade some papers. See you in December!

Life Lessons from Friday Night Lights.

Mike Winchell: You ever feel cursed, Coach? Like, no matter what, inside your heart you feel that you're gonna lose. Like something's hanging over you, following you like a witch or a demon that just... I feel like that all the time. Even when things are going good. When we're winnin', it's there. And when we're losin', it's there. 

Coach Gary Gaines: It took me a long time to realize that, uh, there ain't much difference between winnin' and losin', except for how the outside world treats you. But inside you, it's about all the same. It really is. Fact of the matter is, I believe that, uh, our only curses are the ones that are self-imposed. You know what I'm sayin'? We, all of us, dig our own holes.

'Tis the season, once again, for football and job applications.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

Little Me in Big China

Four years ago, I went to Japan, and wrote a separate post about every single day.  

It makes me giggle to think I had that much time during the trip to blog every day, and that I thought people were that interested in my trip.

This time around, I am trying mostly to hit the highlights.

So here we go:

I spent 10 days in Beijing and three days in Taipei with 10 students, 1 spouse of a student, and two other faculty members.

We stayed near Beijing Normal University, which houses a small family therapy program. Their faculty and students hosted us during our stay, along with students and faculty from Nova Southeastern and the University of Maryland.

The first night, they took us to a hot pot restaurant, where a dinner of cooking things in boiling broth quickly devolved into our students trying to do things like this:

We then spent the next few days touring Beijing, and seeing many sights, including the Forbidden City, where someone snapped a picture of me with Rick and Roy (the other two faculty members from BYU).

 We saw the Peking Opera, which reminded me a lot of the first act of a kabuki play I saw in Japan: elaborate costumes, makeup, men dressed as women, atonal singing, overly dramatic acting.

I spent a lot of time hanging out with the students. I tried to keep some boundaries, but it was pretty hard, especially when we went to church on Sunday and I was asked to comment on the young single ex-patriate men in the branch.

We spent time in Taipei, where Lexie introduced us to mango shaved ice, which, up to this point in my life, has to rank in the top five of best things I have ever eaten. We bought one of the dishes below to split between three people, and then bought another, and, finally, another.

We found a karaoke place near our hotel. Below is a picture of Rick, who is singing a duet with me to "Superstar," by the Carpenters. I think my soul left my body for a second. Conspicuously absent from this outing was Roy, but he made up for it later.

We visited the Temple of Heaven one day, where there were all kinds of activities going on around the grounds, including a little girl getting a chess lesson,

A group of retired people singing loudly from music books, 

And what turned out to be (I kid you not) a group of middle aged people holding "ads" for their unmarried children in the hope of pairing them off. I haven't told this story to my mom yet because I haven't wanted to give her any ideas.

Like Japan, much of my motivation for going to China was for the food. Most of the food we ate was family style, at a round table with a Lazy Susan. We served our own portions with our own chopsticks, which, unsurprisingly, resulted in several of us contracting the same digestive bug.

Or, possibly, it could have been one of the many things I ate from street vendors. I had to ask my students who speak Mandarin which pastries were filled with honey, and which were filled with red beans.

And speaking of Beans, this one is for all of my fellow former students of Roy Bean himself, whom I estimate make up 50% of my total readership. You're welcome. Now try unseeing it. Just typing this post, my brain was having trouble dealing with the logic that would allow him to wear this and simultaneously deem karaoke unacceptable.

Eventually, we did have a conference with several American scholars, several Chinese scholars, and a few students and faculty from both countries, so it was kind of like a work trip. 

Here's a shot of the entire BYU group at the conference.

I have many other stories about this trip, and I may get around to writing some more of them down at some point. However, tomorrow is the first day of school, so it will probably be awhile before that happens. It was a great end to the summer, and I am grateful for every moment.

Humblebrag 2: Nora Ephron Movies

I am a huge fan of the Pioneer Woman. As well as Nora Ephron movies. What do these things have in common?

After Nora Ephron died, the Pioneer Woman posted a quiz about Nora Ephron movies on her website. I happened to remember that she was posting the quiz right around the time I got done with a client, so I entered the quiz, got 100%, and ended up winning a $300 Amazon gift card! Why is this a humble brag, rather than a regular brag? Well, I'm a little embarrassed that while I sometimes forget the names of my students, I have a deep and extensive knowledge of something as trivial as Nora Ephron. But I do. It's not the only unimportant subject of which I have an extensive knowledge.

So I thought it was appropriate to chronicle my favorite moments from Nora Ephron's movies, as they just helped me win a contest.

After I heard that Nora Ephron died, I went through my DVD shelves and discovered I own four of her most well-known movies. The older I get, the more resentful I become of chick flicks that put unrealistic ideas in the minds of teenage girls about relationships. However, I can't help but love Nora Ephron. Sometimes it's nice to escape to a world where things end happily, and everyone is able to think of witty things to say at the right time. Plus, she always wrote such great supporting characters: Dave Chappelle in You've Got Mail, Carrie Fisher and Bruno Kirby in When Harry Met Sally, Rosie O'Donnell and Rob Reiner in Sleepless in Seattle, and Stanley Tucci in Julie and Julia. Here are some of my favorite scenes and quotes from each of those movies:

When Harry Met Sally

• The scene where Billy Crystal and Bruno Kirby are at the football game, and Billy Crystal is telling the sad story of how his wife left him. Meanwhile, the wave is going around the stadium, and they keep standing up for it. I think of it every time I'm at a football game and someone starts the wave.
• Bruno Kirby in the Pictionary Scene.
• Every single vignette with the older couples.
• Bruno Kirby and Carrie Fisher on their double date making no effort to spare the feelings of the people they were supposed to be out with.
• The wagon wheel coffee table scene.
• The scene in Sharper Image with the karaoke machine and the battery-operated pith helmet.
• The callback scene where Billy Crystal has bought the karaoke machine and leaves a musical message on Meg Ryan's answering machine. 

"Baby fish mouth!"*

"Six years later you find yourself singing 'Surrey With a Fringe on Top,' in front of Ira!"

"I want you to know that I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table."*

"There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance...You're the worst kind: you're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance."*

"Someone is staring at you in 'Personal Growth'."*

“I’d like the chef salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side, and the apple pie a la mode.

But I’d like the pie heated, and I don’t want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side, and I’d like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it’s real, if it’s out of the can, then nothing.”

(Not even the pie?)

“No, just the pie, but then not heated.”

Sleepless in Seattle

• Rita Wilson's speech about the plot of An Affair to Remember, as well as the men's reactions to it. She pretty much steals the movie right out from under her husband's nose with that one scene.
• The exchange between Tom Hanks and Rob Reiner about what the dating scene is like in 1993, which ends with Rob Reiner checking out Tom Hanks's butt to let him know if it is "cute."
• The dinner table scene with Meg Ryan's family ("I'm allergic to bees.").
• On New Year's Eve, when Bill Pullman sings, "Dim sum, dim sum," while dancing with Meg Ryan.*
• Every scene between Tom Hanks and Ross Malinger, who plays his son. 

"Did you know if you play this backwards, it says 'Paul is dead'?"

"There is no way we are going on a plane to meet some woman who could be a crazy sick lunatic. Didn't you see Fatal Attraction?" "You wouldn't let me!"

"This is really fun...And helpful."

"This man makes the best soup you have ever eaten, and he is the meanest man in New York. I'm really serious about this. It's not just about the soup." There is speculation that he is referring to the same man on whom the Soup Nazi is based.

"That's your problem: you don't want to be in love; you want to be in love in a movie."

You've Got Mail

• The whole opening montage of Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in New York City.
• The scene where the little girl sings "Tomorrow," while a patient accompanist valiantly keeps up with her.
• Just about every scene with Greg Kinnear.
• The running joke about The Godfather.
• The scene where Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks meet for the first time, and he makes every effort to avoid letting her finding out who he is.
• Dabney Coleman's appropriate use of the term "ironic."

"I was eloquent...(Expletive)!"

"You need quiet while a hot dog is singing?"*

"This place is a tomb! I'm going to the nut shop where it's fun."

"Thank yer, ladies and gentlemen."

"Where are my Tic Tacs?!"*

"It's my own fault. Never marry a man who lies." (giggle)

"Happy Thanksgiving back."

Julie and Julia

This may be my favorite movie of the four, partly because it inspired the cupcake project that consumed a year of my life. It is one of the few movies that I actually liked better than the book it was based on, and I credit Nora Ephron completely with that. While I liked the idea of the Julie and Julia project, I was not crazy about the way Julie Powell wrote about it. But I've read some of Nora Ephron's books, and I think the way she thought and wrote about food is really what comes out in the movie. I am ashamed to admit that I cry every time I watch it, and I'm even more ashamed to admit that I can't quite articulate why I cry. This one is more of a sentimental one for me, so I haven't included any funny quotes. But I do love this line:


"You know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say nothing, I mean, NOTHING, that you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It's such a comfort." These are words I live by.

*indicate subjects of a quiz question.

**I have had this post in my queue for awhile, but, like the Riley Nelson post, I thought it was too stupid to publish until propelled by something from my life.**

Humblebragging

I interrupt the string of Broadway rants to bring you something from my actual life:

A few weeks ago, a reporter from BYU's paper came to interview me about having a successful relationship.  The irony was not lost on me, thank you very much. I sort of forgot about it until this morning, when the clinic director sent me the link:

http://universe.byu.edu/index.php/2012/07/05/key-ingredients-to-a-successful-relationship/

Also, in case you are wondering what a humblebrag is, I have included a link to Harris Wittles' explanation on Grantland. I have to warn you, though, that, while Grantland is extremely entertaining, you will probably find yourself wanting back whatever time you spend on it.

And you can all stop laughing now.